Sparrows Uncuff Links – $59
You know how it goes: you’re at the opera, meet a fancy lady, say something witty, one thing leads to another and before you know it you’ve both been abducted by the Ukrainian mafia and handcuffed in the basement of a Viennese cigar shop. You don’t want to be unprepared now, do you? Thankfully Sparrows Lock Picks is famous for their specialty lock picking tools, and their one-of-a-kind Uncuff links come with a key that can open almost all standard handcuffs, so you’ll be out and fighting bad guys in no time.
USB Flash Drive Cufflinks – $100
I think it’s a general, semi-aspirational rule that a man should have a flash drive on him at all times. These in particular have multiple uses ranging from stealing the blueprints for casino you’re about to rob to dropping a sick playlist at the opportune moment. The ones in the picture above are silver and hold 4GB of space, and they can also be engraved for a couple extra bucks. That said, there are actually numerous variations from many different sellers on the internet worth checking out.
Bullet Cufflinks – $35
Next we have these rough-and-tumble cufflinks designed by Michael “Artie” Keinard. Touted as the perfect groomsmen gift for any southern gentleman, these hand-crafted originals are made from “genuine fired bullet casings” and still send the right message to international drug cartels. The caliber tends to vary from pair to pair, and they’re available on bourbonandboots.com.
Who needs a light? These vintage design cufflinks measure under an inch total and yet are completely functional. With a vintage starter design and your choice of a hand-crafted leather or chrome finish, you’ll be able to burn through ropes or light the way to freedom in a flash. The bottoms even unscrew for easy refueling.
Bottle Opener Cufflinks – $50
Bottle openers can be a bulk accessory and you definitely don’t want anything extra in your pockets to throw off the sleek look of that suit you’re sporting. These stainless steel cufflinks are a simple solution that won’t draw too much attention to themselves, but also offer a fun/convenient trick when need be. Sure they don’t neutralize assassins, but Q is allowed to get a little Home Ec when he feels like it.
These pretty much speak for themselves, but I’ll add that they operate just like actual butterfly knives with a locking safety mechanism, and they each come with a mini sharpener so they’ll always stay as sharp as you’ll look. Perfect for miniature knife fights or cutting loose threads.
Authentic Stadium Seat Cufflinks $170-200
These don’t have a secret function, but they’re awesome. Created by designers Ward Wallau and Bill Hartel of St. Louis, each pair of cufflinks are uniquely made from a seat taken from your stadium of choice. The seat pieces are laid into sterling silver and each set comes with a certificate of authenticity. They’re perfect for that time when you’re invited to enjoy a game from the comfort of the opposing team’s box suite, but still want to covertly (or brazenly) rep your home team. Now you can do it in style.
That’s it! Tell us about some of your favorite cufflinks.