Seattle-based outdoor recreation retailers REI offer a somewhat humorous but plenty accurate flowchart that double checks to make cyclists are "with the right bike."
They say, "Overwhelmed by all the different kinds of bikes out there? Relax. We've taken the guesswork out of choosing the right bike. Cruise through our flowchart to find the bike that best matches your personality."
Make your flow through the full graphic at REI. Bikes Infographic: Are You With the Right Bike?